8 Steps to Scoring Big in a
Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar
By Melissa Darnay
If you’re single,
you’ve probably gone to a singles bar at some point in your life, hoping
to make a love connection. But what determines whether tonight will be
your lucky night? Chance? Kismet? Maybe. But most times it has more to
do with skill than luck.
After hundreds of hours in bars, pubs and nightclubs—observing
thousands of singles in action—I’ve unlocked the little-known recipe of
finding romance at your favourite watering hole. In fact, my studies was
so successful, that I’m now able to walk into any bar, and within minutes,
I can tell who is going to get lucky … and who is going home empty handed.
Because let’s face it, there’s nothing better than the inebriating butterflies
that flutter in your stomach when your new love interest gives you that
“morning after” phone call.
Catching those butterflies isn’t as hard as it seems.
Whether you’re trying to improve your dating life or meet the sweetheart
of your dreams, there’s a craft to scoring big at a bar. And believe it
or not, you don’t have to be ravishingly beautiful to get lucky. You just
need to know how to play the game so you come out ahead.
Yes, you read that right. Dating is a game. Just like
chess, scoring big in a bar takes a winning tactic. Here’s an easy eight-step
process that’ll help you score big in the love department. Because let’s
face it, if you want the Monarch’s to be dancing in your belly tomorrow
morning, you need to learn how to play the dating game pronto, before
someone else beats you to the prize.
1. Look Your Best.
If you think about it, singles bars are called “meat markets” for a reason.
You’re the“meat” and you have to display your wares to make “shoppers”
want to buy. Grunge might be comfortable, but after age 25, the frumpy
look won’t get you to first base.
Men, wearing a sports coat will give you a competitive
advantage. Why? Because women like men who look successful and confident.
By sporting a classier look than your brethren, you’ll come out on top.
Women, I have three words for you: show some skin. Don’t even think about
wearing a turtleneck to a bar.
Let’s face it, after 30, very few of us have the hard-bodied
figures we once did, but that doesn’t mean you need to hide your assets.
Even if you’re a little plump, it’s better to show your skin than to hide
behind a bolt of frumpy fabric.
2. Limit Your Alcohol.
Although a drink or two can lower your inhibitions, consuming too much
will send the wrong impression. And falling off the barstool is a definite
no-no. If you tend to drink more when you’re edgy, try alternating between
your favourite drink and a club soda with lime. No one has to know that
there’s nothing stronger than carbonation in your drink!
3. Exude Confidence.
Self-confidence is crucial if you want to be favoured in love. If you
have a swagger in your walk and a cocky tilt to your chin, your Rolodex
will bulge with prospects. So how do you exude confidence when you’re
There are two strategies that work well. First, fake
it ’til you make it! Yes, that’s right, just pretend to have confidence,
and amazingly, others will perceive you as self-confident. And then pretty
soon, that confidence will be real.
Second, deal from strength. After all, you’re probably
the best at something. Maybe you’re the smartest person in the room. Or
maybe you know you can beat just about anyone at Backgammon. Or maybe
you can solve complicated algorithms in your head. Maybe you’re a true
native in a town of transplants. Whatever you’re good at, borrow that
confidence, and when you walk into a bar, hold your head high knowing
there’s no one else quite like you.
4. Cross the Great
Amazingly, I see both men and women who go to a bar or singles party in
the hopes of meeting someone new, but then they consume the entire evening
either by themselves or talking to the same-sex person they came with.
Newsflash: if you go to the trouble of being showered,
shaved and cologned, you might as well take action. An important step
in meeting someone new is actually saying hello. Instead of thinking,
“I wish that person would come up and talk to me,” take the initiative
and be the one who breaks the ice.
Something as straightforward as a smile and a hello
will work just fine. Just let your feet do the walking, and break that
invisible barricade between you and the person you want to meet. After
all, you can’t meet someone new if you don’t even try. Just keep in mind
that dating is a numbers game, and you may need to chat with more than
one person before you make a love connection.
5. Be Friendly.
A sparkling personality is worth its weight in—well—drinks. If you’re
naturally fizzy, keep it up, and it won’t be long before love finds you.
If you’re not, it just takes a bit more work.
It helps to look good and feel great. Then keep a smile
on your face and focus on other people. One key to being a great conversationalist
is to ask interesting questions. Things like, “What do you do for a living?”
And “Where are you from?” will spark other questions or things you have
Another method to score points in the friendly category
is to be up on current events. This doesn’t mean you have to be a news
junkie, but it helps to be abreast of current topics. With 24-hour news
stations and breaking news on the Internet, it shouldn’t take long to
become well-versed in the topics du jour. Oh, one note of caution: unless
someone’s political affiliation is a deal-breaker for you, stay away from
politics and religion.
6. Men, Whip Out
“Can I buy you a drink?” is a sure sign of interest. Being too cheap to
ask will get you a cold shoulder, followed by a cold shower … alone.
This is where you need to walk a fine line. There are
certainly women out there who want free drinks—and nothing else. So how
can you tell the difference between a woman who is using you to get free
drinks, and someone who is really interested?
By reading her body language. Is she looking directly
at you, with dilated pupils and unblinking eyes, or is she looking somewhere
else? Is she leaning into you, or is she pulling away from you?
If her body language is positive, ask her if she’d
like something to drink. Then, while you’re sharing your first drink together,
exchange business cards. If she doesn’t have a card (or doesn’t want to
give you one), ask for a way to contact her. If she’s hesitant to give
an email address or cell phone number, chances are good that she has no
intention of seeing you again, so put your wallet away and move on.
If she readily gives you a way to contact her, you’ll
score more points by being generous than by being frugal. And if you really
want to score big, offer to call her a cab at the end of the evening,
just to make sure she gets home okay.
7. Be Honest.
If you’re not interested in someone, it’s better to make a graceful retreat
that to waste that person’s time. Something as simple as, “I’ve enjoyed
talking to you, but it’s time for me to go mingle,” lets the other person
know that there you’re not seeing stars.
Honesty is always the best policy, because if you say
you’re going to the bathroom and then never come back, you might end up
with a stalker on your hands. If you’re the person being dumped, be gracious
about it. Just because someone’s not interested in you right now, doesn’t
mean things won’t change at some point in the future.
Because most of us tend to frequent the same places,
chances are good that you may see that person again. Keep in mind that
if you get angry and say something mean, you’ll never make it past “hello”
next time, so it pays to be nice.
8. Have Fun.
Instead of putting unnecessary stress on your big night out, give yourself
a break. After all, tonight is only one night out of your life. Instead
of having unrealistic expectations, grab a same-sex friend, and plan on
having a good time. Without the pressure of having to find someone in
five hours or less, you’re more likely to enjoy yourself.
Plus, when you’re laughing, talking and smiling, you’re
more approachable than when you’re nervous or tense. After all, wouldn’t
you rather chat with someone who’s laughing than someone who’s sitting
in the corner alone, looking desperate and lonely?
Now that you know the eight simple steps to scoring
big in a bar, get out there and do it. The first step toward winning the
game is actually going out there and playing it. And just like any other
game, practice makes perfect. So if you don’t meet someone tonight, remember
this … there’s always tomorrow!
About the author
Melissa Darnay has devoted her life to the pursuit
of love and romance -- not just for herself, but for the millions of single
people who want love in their lives. As a former matchmaker, she is the
author of Dating 101: The Instant Cure for Romance Blues. She also lectures
at seminars and workshops to help single people find love and happiness.
You can read more about her book or buy it at her website: CupidsGuide.com